Thinking 2 Steps Ahead

I’ve always said I want to be remembered when I’m gone as being wise.

But I got a new perspective and understanding of just what that means recently when I picked up a book and read three chapters on wisdom, discernment and sound judgment.   Very short chapters, actually, but for me, very long on insight.

I always thought being wise meant smart, intelligent and able to give people good advice.  I
remember being asked in a job interview once if I considered myself smart.  I answered that I think there are two kinds of smart….book smart and common sense smart.
I think I have a good mix of both.   I’m not a super brainiac, but I am privileged to have two great parents who trained me to face life head on, to prosper and thrive by making good and effective decisions and choices.  Compared to many, I am, I think, smarter than average.

What I understood in a new way after reading the book is that wisdom is sometimes a gift one is born with, but that it can also be nurtured and developed.  Wisdom leads to
discernment and sound judgment.   And that discernment and sound judgment yield many tangible and intangible life benefits.  Wisdom can protect you from being taken advantage of, from being sucked in by people who don’t have your best interests in mind or who are downright evil.  Wisdom is what keeps you open to new ideas.    It helps drive away fear and cope with disaster.  Wisdom protects us from making bad choices.   Wisdom makes us discerning and able to make sound judgments which yield those aforementioned benefits.

Now, more than ever, I want to be remembered as being wise.

The book, by the way, is the Bible.  Proverbs, Chapters 2, 3 and 4.  Worth the read no matter what your religious persuasion.

July 1^st was the end of my forty days of focus.  

What I discovered is that I can only focus for a few days and then it takes me about 40 days to recover and refocus.  

I’m sorely disappointed in myself.  

I work a day job, two day jobs actually…probably 50-60 hours a week depending on the time of year since I live in a vacation paradise.    When I come home from work, regardless of what time it is, I am exhausted.   Though I normally get at least 8 hours a night in bed, I don’t necessarily sleep 8 hours and I’m not rested more often than I am rested.   My feet hurt all the time, sometimes so much that they’re the main reason I don’t sleep well.   I don’t want to start relying on drugs, over the counter or otherwise, to sleep. 

In summary, part of my life, the body in which I spend 100% of my time, something I have control over, is a mess. 

And so, just as I would say to someone I’m coaching, I ask myself the question:  What are you going to do about it?

{5 day break in writing here….}

I read a book this week called Half Assed:  A Weight Loss Memoir by Jennette Fulda.  It’s not a how to book—more of a why I did it book.  Near the end she talked a lot about choices.   I really appreciated her insight and it moved me in ways I haven’t been moved in years.  She gets it and took control of her intended consequences.

I promise this blog will not become something I never intended it to be and that’s about me.  But I realize that for the terrific life I profess to have, my one great failure is my physical condition.   It’s just too hard for me to maximize intended consequences so I gave up a long time ago. 

I’m taking control of my body again, thinking (and acting) 2 steps ahead about how my life is affected by my physical condition.   I’ll check in again in another 40 days or so. 

What do you need to take control of today?  If it were easy it wouldn’t even be on the radar.  Comment and we can encourage each other.

Sometime defining what you really want is hard.  Few people ever get into their vehicle and start moving forward without a specific destination in mind.  Yet most of those same people go through life without ever giving much thought to where they want to “end up” every day.   Planning for…even simply thinking about, life every day requires effort and discipline.  So millions of people get up each  morning with no idea of what the day holds for them. And whenever a person has no idea what their “win” is for each day, making the myriad of decisions that come with everyday life can lead to a life of chaos and hopelessness.  It can be depressing and exhausting. 

If thinking about what your “win” is seems overwhelming, choose one or two small things in your life that you don’t want to continue.  Make your “win” eliminating those things from your life.  A bit of success in doing those small things moves you closer to your win and give you hope, energy and enthusiasm for more winning. 

 Too often, folks have no idea that the way they THINK about something can yield a completely different result than they might otherwise have.  Ask yourself this:  How would I act and speak differently today if I thought differently about my daily routine? 

Instead of simply going to work, what would happen if you worked with the intention of adding value, contributing to the success of the organization and had fun while working?

Instead of simply going home to your family, how would your home life be different if you spoke and acted in ways that demonstrate to your family how important they are to you?

Instead of simply vegging out at the end of the day, what could you accomplish if you spent 30 minutes a day doing something that moves you closer to your life “win”?

I submit to you that little changes in attitude and action yield amazing results.   Let me know that works for you.

A woman made this comment during the break of a Thinking 2 Steps Ahead workshop. 

  “I wish someone had showed me this when I was younger.  My life would have been totally different.”

The concept of Thinking 2 Steps Ahead is nothing new.  In fact, many successful and effective people think 2 steps ahead all the time without ever being aware they are doing it.  Thinking 2 Steps Ahead simply puts a name on another one of the habits highly effective people use. 

Often, though, folks whose lives haven’t turned out, or definitely are not, quite the way they hoped or dreamed have “ahha!” moments during a Thinking 2 Steps Ahead workshop.  Almost everyone learns to play checkers as a child.  But few ever connect the dots that the thought process used to win a checkers game can also help make good life decisions.  A light bulb goes off for them because no one ever explained it to them quite like this before.

Self-help gurus talk about choices all the time.  Most people think about choices in a pretty black and white context: should I go to college? What job should I pursue? Who should I marry? Should I plan to have a child or behave in a way that risks an unplanned pregnancy?  These types of decisions set the direction for life.   But much smaller, day-to-day choices, determine whether you believe life is good every day.

One of the most amazing effects Thinking 2 Steps Ahead can have in creating a different life is relationship improvement. 

First–-always first—decided what outcome you want.  Using the game analogy, that outcome is the “win.”  Be honest.  Some relationships are worth saving, some are not.  Then, examine the things that are said and done within that relationship.  Are those things said and done moving closing to the “win” or not?  If not, why not?  If not, what must change to get back to a winning strategy?  Is the game worth winning?

Not so much.  Sorry. 

Though you get to choose your “win” in your life, the rules are set when you get into the game.  Until you become an adult, parents get to set the rules; schools get to set your rules; society has rules; your employer has rules; and others in your personal relationships have rules.  You don’t necessarily have to like or agree with any rules set by everyone else in your life, but if your “win” represents anything from their world, their rules apply. 

Consequences are defined as something that logically or naturally follows an action or a condition.   You have no control over consequences, but you often do have control over the action or condition that leads to the consequence. 

It is true that sometimes stuff happens over which you have absolutely no control.  An example is the recent natural disasters all over the world.  What you do have control over is how you react to what happens to you.   Your attitude, your decisions, your words, your actions all determine whether you move closer to that “win” you defined.

When you don’t play by the rules it’s impossible to win the game.   You are rewarded for playing by the rules by being allowed to continue to play.  Breaking the rules results in penalties and set-backs.  Complete disregard of the rules can eject you from the game. 

What are your choices about the rules in your game of Life?  Do you recognize them?  Do you choose to play by them or do you rebel against and break them?  Bottom line?  Are you playing to win?

According to Wikipedia, games are a universal part of human experience and present in all cultures.  All games have goals (the “win”), rules, challenge and interaction.  Games require skill, strategy or luck, or some combination of all three. 

 Isn’t that a perfect definition of life?

 The good news is that in the Game of Life, the player gets to define the “win.”  And can, if they are willing, control the skill and strategy with which he or she plays the game.  Just like a football player can train to perfect his physical skills and study film and opponents to perfect his mental or strategic skills, participants in the game of Life can train to perfect their Life skills.

The first step, of course, is to define the “win.”   Because Life is a very loooonnngggg game, while it’s important to have some sense of what you want people to say about you at your 85^th birthday party, you’ll have a lot of interim goals along the way.  Often, defining the “win” is the most difficult.  It requires thoughtful introspection and the willingness to be brutally honest with yourself.

Once you decide what your “wins” are, you can train, practice, and rehearse the strategic and effective Thinking 2 Steps Ahead process to determine if every move (action, resource allocation, interpersonal interaction, etc.) you make helps advance you to your win, or sets you back in achieving that win. 

For instance, for a student who decides that she wants to pursue a medical career, choosing to take elective classes in music theory rather than biology would not be a good example of Thinking 2 Steps Ahead.   Or a man trying to convince a woman that he is good husband material would not advance his cause by making a pass at her best friend.

Have you thought about what your “win” is?  If not, how do you decide to spend your time, energy and money?  Stay tuned to learn and develop a new, very simple yet highly effective Life Skill – Thinking 2 Steps Ahead.